To rhyme or not to rhyme

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Here are two versions of a piece that I wrote recently.
The first one is closer to my immediate thought process- direct and succinct. With the second one, I tried to embellish a little, attempted to rhyme and added a hint of structure.
Here it goes:


Traipsing back
to the point of origin-
the frame of reference…
Regroup, commune,
find stillness,
pay obeisance, if you will !

Cast as a pendulum’s arc
hankering after a utopian freedom-
a refusal to accede…
Then- a circuitous path back to
here- where my world convenes,
in worship, reticent at your feet.


Traipsing back to it, all over, yet again
the frame of reference, the point of origin.
Arrive! Regroup, commune, be still
Gather wits, pay obeisance, if you will.

Cast as the arc of a swinging pendulum
hankering after a utopian freedom.
Struck by wanderlust, a refusal to accede
Thus anew, another journey does proceed.

Circling back to where my world doth convene
coming together, in worship, penitent and serene.
Behold! Here lies, reticent at your feet
My nomadic spirit- triumphant in defeat.


Given that I have no formal training in prose or poetry, this is my amateur attempt at something which is out of my comfort zone. I found that I quite enjoyed the process.
Although, I do wonder as to which version conveys the message best.
Any thoughts?

*Image courtesy of  TempusVolat  CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

2 thoughts on “To rhyme or not to rhyme

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